Lightbulb
by NPSMJones
Summary: Killian's life is a total mess. His addiction took control and he's trying to get a grip on life. Emma Swan is the perfect medical student in the eyes of her cousin and her fiancée. But Emma sees her future totally different. When they meet, it feels like looking in the mirror.
1. Chapter 1

It was a rainy night. The traffic lights across the street flickered in an orange gloom and lighted up the raindrops. Cars passed the bar way too fast and splashed fallen rainwater over the sidewalk. The bar was almost empty, except for a couple making out next to the jukebox and a man that stared blankly at the little television in the corner. A calm jazz tune resounded in the bar.  
But he didn't notice any of that. The street outside and the bar were all one vague picture. The only thing visible was the glass of rum where he had been staring in. It wasn't the taste that was the reason why he was hopelessly addicted to it, because after all this time he couldn't taste it anymore. He just drained a bitter tasting liquid that made him forget. He felt his legs quiver underneath the table and tossed down yet one more glass. He lifted up the bottle next to him and tilted it sideways but to no avail. It had been his third bottle but he hadn't had enough. His hand raised into the sky and the bottle shattered to the ground. He looked fuzzy down and blinked slowly. By the time he had lifter his head back up a woman appeared in front of him. She was all one blur. A purple.. No, a red top and some.. jeans ? The rest dripped out of his eyesight like the rain outside that was ticking against the window.

"I think you've had enough." The woman had pity in her voice and held him by his shoulder. Anger overflew him, he could take care of himself. After all, it was his life and noone else's, if he wanted to get piss-drunk every night then he could! He slapped the hand away and pointed at one of the empty bottles.

"'Nother one p-please." He drunkenly stuttered. The woman stayed by his side and sat down in the chair next to him.

"It's 4 A.M, we're closing soon." He looked up by that sentence. The sickmaking couple and the lonely man had vanished and only he was left over. _Damn, was it really that late ? _It seemed like he had just been there for an hour.  
"And besides, won't Nana miss you ?"

"Come on, Killian." The woman begged. The way she said his name, with concern in her eyes. Ruby. The woman that had helped him trough a lot of rough times. _How in bloody hell could he appear to her like this ?_ Ruby helped Killian up from his chair and dragged him towards the exit. But Killian wrestled himself loose from her arms and stumbled towards the door.

"It's okay.." He swallowed the bitter taste away. "I'll do it.. m'self." He sputtered. His hands grabbed the door handle and he stepped outside.  
His legs felt like they were too thin or too weak to hold up his torso. His knees bended from left to right and before Killian got to his car he fell to the ground. The wet gravel under his trembling hands stung badly. Suddenly the parking lot spinned around him. The booze from earlier climbed it's way up his throat and made his mouth sour. He held his bleeding palm against one of the bins while the liquid flew disgustingly out of his mouth. He breather heavily and wiped his mouth clean. Killian wondered about how Liam would think of him right now, like this. He always told him not to drink away his money, but nothing else made him forget more. Liam worked so hard to earn money for both of them, and Killian also tried but his addiction got him thrown out of every place. He was such a disgrace.

He pulled himself from the ground using the filthy garbage can next to him and searched for his keys in his pocket. The lock of his car danced in front of him as he tried to catch it with the silver keys. When he succeeded to unlock it and open the door he drove away. He learned to drunk drive pretty well. Here and there some mailboxes fell to the ground or a traffic light got ignored but getting home was mostly the case. He parked his black car in the driveway and sighed deeply. This was no life. Getting drunk every day, being a jobless wanker, it wasn't a life to be proud of. His brother had succeeded in his medical studies but Killian never managed to kick it that far. The rebellious younger Killian had been his downfall.

He walked up to the elevator and pressed the button. The elevator responded to his call slowly and rusty. The doors made a path in the tiny room and he stepped inside. Leaning against the creaking iron wall he looked up. The alcohol dripped down from his brain and the world stopped spinning around. He could taste the sour leftovers in his mouth and he felt his right hand bleeding slightly. His shirt smelled of booze and cigarettes which he longed for. And as much as he wanted to stop by the cigarette machine he knew he couldn't taste it either way. And besides, it wasn't like he had any money left. Opening his apartments door was a lot easier now that the alcoholic clouds had parted and made some place for reality. And it came crushing down in front of him. He had fucked up yet again. And as much as he wanted to believe this had been the last time he drowned himself in his rum, it was very clear it wasn't. Tomorrow he would began to feel the pain again. And he would miss his old life again. And when that happened, the only thing he yearned for was to forget.

He lied down in his bed. His apartment was small and compact. A tiny studio with a little kitchen, a table and some chairs, a sofa and possibly the cheapest television you could find, a bathroom with a shower and a toilet that was awkwardly close to it and in the corner his large and cosy bed. More he couldn't afford. He closed his eyes and let the darkness fill up his mind. Yet again, he wanted to forget how he had been such a drunk mess. _I'll search for a job tomorrow, and I'm bloody keeping it._ He promised himself, hoping that this time he wasn't lying to himself.

* * *

_This... Is just one of my stupid ideas that I got while daydreaming. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this very long because I don't think many people will like it. But either way, I'm going to upload a chapter now and then, mostly irregular, depending on what you guys think of it ^-^ _

_See ya later :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Her pen swirled around the checked paper and made strange figures. Contrary to everybody else, her paper was filled with flowers and quotes from her favorite movies and lyrics from awesome songs. Whatever the professor in front was saying, she didn't care, not really. She would just come home and make up a summary from out of her book and her niece would be happy. The classroom was quiet, which she found satisfying. Only the sound of clicking pens and sighing students were hearable which made her concentration optimal. And actually she should be thanking David and Mary-Margaret for forcing her into these boring classes, she could do her thing. She could sit peaceful and quiet drawing whatever she wanted. She remembered that once, in one of her easiest classes, she drew a wonderful ship with golden sails and a shiny deck. And because she was so proud, her heart took control. Stupid as she were, she showed it to them with eyes full of pride. But of course, they responded with a shaking head. Disapproval struck her heart and cracked it. Now she just hid it. She practically lied about everything. She wasn't paying attention in class, her diet wasn't going 'wonderful' and she wasn't fucking hanging out with that Aurora chick. But as soon as she entered the Nolan's villa, she became God's most perfect made angel. _Sometimes she almost puked all over herself._

The eternal stem of her curly flower made out of ink ended when a loud ringing noise lead her to the library. She still had some research to do on some stupid proposition and she was meeting someone there. And as much as she lied to her niece, lying wasn't actually her thing. So when she promised to meet someone, she always showed up. She placed her leather bag on the table and took out a little paper.

'BRS Physiolog' it read in old, almost vanished letters. She held the paper in front of her as she inspected the large bookcase. She was at the section 'Biology' when a slim finger tapped on her shoulder. At first she hesitated to turn around and wanted to speed up so those perverts couldn't get her. But the giggle behind her back gave it away.

"Belle! How are you ?" She shouted. Belle held a finger on her lips and looked at all the angry faces throwing looks.

"Hi Emma, it's so nice to see you! I've been great." She smiled "I didn't expect you to show up, with all that medical stuff.."

Emma sighed and held her friend by her shoulder. "I always make time for the best barista in the world. Would you want to help me search this book, i can't find it..." Emma showed the tiny paper to Belle and before Emma could even explain why she'd needed it the girl rushed through the streets made by huge bookcases. The thin girl danced trough the streets as if she had lived there. Emma ran after the dancer and stumped some people to the ground in the process. Almost at the back of the room, Belle stopped and swayed a wooden ladder in front of her. She climbed all the way to the top and threw a fat green book at Emma, who hadn't seen it coming and got it on her head. Belle laughed as Emma picked it back up from the carpet.

"How do you even do that ?" Emma looked at her friend on the top of the ladder who had made herself very comfortable.

"Magic." She winked and came down from the stairs.  
The pair went to a little café in the street next to the campus. Belle drank tea, as always and Emma ordered a cappuccino. While the skies cried their eyes out, Emma and Belle cackled about how things were and could be. Belle's tea shop had good ratings and recently some famous writer with a strange name had visited her and Belle couldn't shut up about it. But Emma didn't mind, she enjoyed the stories of her friend rustling inside her head. More then some nodding and shocking expressions weren't included in that afternoon for Emma, so after she had finished her second mug she said goodbye to her friend and headed home.

The rain ruined her hair and clothes on the way back home. She wasn't allowed a car so she had to take the bus. But since she missed it she had to walk all the way back. _God this rain never seems to end, does it?_ Her all-stars were soaked in cold rainwater and her jeans were splattered with mud. Great. Right before she entered she shook off the rain and hid a book the 'borrowed' from the library. She put on the fakest and most innocent smile she could think of and entered what for her seemed like hell.

"Home !" She yelled through the white halls. Short after her shouting, a clacking of heels approached her. Her cousin took off her coat and kissed her on the forehead.

"How was today, Emma ?" she asked politely. She looked down at the book Emma was holding and nodded approvingly.

"Great, Mary-Margaret, but I still have a lot of work. See you at dinner !" Emma ran up the gigantic stairs and made her way to her bedroom. She felt bad for calling this place hell. David and Mary-Margaret were great people and gave her everything she needed. Except the one thing she longed for, freedom. Every night she stared out her window and wondered how it would be to choose what she could and couldn't do. She wanted to climb out her window and go to pubs, meet new people and discover the world. And only a thin layer of glass held her away from that. But she couldn't do that to David and Mary-Margaret. Leaving them would break their heart and Emma would feel left alone yet again.

Emma closed the door behind her after dinner. Her mouth corners hurt from the show she had put up. As much as she wanted, she couldn't care less about David's promotion as a head police officer. She just asked him pointless questions which kept him talking for at least another fifteen minutes and answered questions when asked. She put her hair up in a messy bun and took out the book from the library. It was from her favorite unknown author. The cover was dark black and some white flowers crawled up from the side. Behind the title you could see a city, but none like you've ever seen before. It had magnificent buildings and skyscrapers that tickled the clouds. The canal that surrounded the city was dark black. Emma always inspected the cover before she even read the title. And this writer's covers were her drugs.

_August Booth - Once Upon A Time_

Without hesitating she let her body fall onto the bed and she dived into her own fictional world. Escaping from reality was the only thing keeping her sane and the only thing she didn't regret afterwards. The white pages printed with black letters replaced the overcrowded stress in her head with a feeling of joy. For once, she could forget school and rules and live in the world of her own. She felt like a princess locked up in her own castle.

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_I would really appreciate a follow or a review ^-^_


	3. Chapter 3

Something approached his bed. It jumped up and came laying next to him.

"Hey there, little girl." Killian petted his dog gladly. He jumped up for a second, thinking that he had brought home someone. He hated when he did that. Because then he had to awkwardly ask their name and apologize. And then they'd leave and never return. Well, one day a girl had stayed. She said he was a kind man and insisted to stay a day with him. And he tried, oh, he had never tried as hard as then to keep it all together. And at first, he succeeded. He stayed away from the rum and even the cigarettes. But after a while she started to look a lot like _her._ The way she talked. The way she cheered him up. And it became clear he wasn't ready yet.

Killian laid back down and pressed his head into the pillow. His head pounded and his stomach complained. It wasn't clever not to eat before you drink, but Killian was far past those concerns. Before getting up he checked his phone. 12:00.

2 messages  
3 missed calls  
1 voicemail

Killian could've guessed. Without even looking he knew who it was. Because there was only one person nowadays who he could disappoint, and that was Liam. The first message was from last night around 1 A.M. '_Where are you ? Don't say you're at the bar again! I'm warning you, Killian !' _Killian sighed and opened the next one.  
This one was from one hour ago. _'Killian, I'm coming over. And pick up when I call you !' _Hey, wait right there... He was **coming over ? **He couldn't do that. I mean, this place was a mess. And he wasn't dressed and his headache was just warming up. But he opened the voicemail first.

_"Killian, Ruby gave me a call. Says she had to drag you out last night. I thought you were getting better !" _Killian chuckled a little at that. Who would think that, he was a wreck. "_Anyways, I'm coming over. I want to talk to you because I don't want you to.. to destroy your life like that. And I know why you're doing this, but that won't make her come back. It really won't. I'll see you at half past twelve. You'll better be there 'cause I'm skipping class for you."_ And the voicemail ended. His brother was coming over in twenty minutes and he wasn't even dressed yet. Killian got out of bed and stumbled against the wall next to him and noticed his feet weren't quite ready to do as he wanted. Nana got up and followed him to his closet. He picked up a red t-shirt and his favorite black pants and put them on. He was just cleaning up the mess when the doorbell rang. '_Okay'_ he thought to himself '_Time for war.' _

He dragged himself to the door and opened it with a fake smile. He though if he'd just pretend nothing had happened, he might believe himself.

"Hello brother of mine. How's school ?" He tried to get away with a smirk but Liam looked him straight in the eye.

"Hi Killian." He just proceeded to the couch and pushed away all he clothes so he could sit down. "You should clean up."

"I was planning to." Killian hoped he would believe that but honestly, his brother knew that that weren't his plans. There was a long silence. Killian felt the disappointment burning against his neck. His brother just sighed and looked around. Here and there some bottles and clothes scattered around. Only Nana's place was sparkly clean. Her water bottle nicely filled up and her foodbowl half-full.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I went too far last night. I'm sorry, Liam." Killian begged for forgiveness. His brother was the only one he had left. And he was the biggest disgrace on the entire planet. "I just.. thought I'd forget everything, you know? And at first I got it under control but it kinda got out of hand after a while." Liam just looked up at him. He felt obviously pitiful and got up from the sofa.

"I'm not here to complain, Killian. You're my little brother and I'm just worried. What if you go even further one night and you don't wake up ? You're the only family that I've really got. And I don't want something to happen to you. Aren't you scared yourself ? Aren't you scared you'd become like dad ?" A shockwave ran over Killian's spine. He hadn't thought about his dad for a long time. And everytime he almost did, he'd try to forget it as soon as possible. And he felt scared there for a moment. What is he actually was ? What if he was actually becoming the man he refused to even think about ?

"I'm not like him !" Killian yelled. He felt angrier then ever. His dad had been a horrible man, how could Liam compare him with the man ? "How do you dare even think that I'd do what he did ? I wouldn't leave you, bugger off !"

"Killian.. I don't mean it like that, I-"

"What ? You really believe that I'm a good man, then, do you ? Well, surprise, I'm not. I'm a jobless drunk without a proper family, bloody hell !" Killian's eyes became red of anger. Why couldn't Liam just make his own life better ? Killian's life was far beyond rescuing. So he had to see his brother suffer everyday because of him. He was sick of it. Damn, his brother even skipped classes for him and took half of his vacation to help him get off the rum. Without any succes of course but Liam never gave up. But Killian did a long time ago.

"Look at yourself, Killian. You've given up before you even started ! You just don't want to change, no, because it's so easy to just accept how pathetic you are, isn't it ? If you just keep on believing your such a jerk you might actually believe it yourself. And of course it's not easy but you could at least try. Just try to move on. Milah won't come back and mom won't either." Liam's eyes were furious.

"Don't you dare say her name." Killian hissed.

"That's the bloody problem ! You have to forget about her, without getting fucking drunk ! That isn't what she would've wanted, is it ? What happened to you, Killian ? You were so cheerful and encouraged once. I miss that, you know ?" Liam sighed and put his coat back on.

"That man is long gone, mate." Killian said bitter. He opened the door for his brother to let him out.

"Nice talk, we have to do it again sometime." Liam slammed the door behind him. Yes, war had started and Killian had yet again hurt his only familymember left. Congratulations, Killian, you're an ass.

* * *

"Name, sir ?"

"Killian Alfred Jones"

"Age ?"

"I'm 26 years old."

"What is your motivation to work at the MovieMarket ?"

"Well, I know a lot about movies and I live pretty close by so I'll hardly ever be late." Killian smiled at that note; these arguments were pretty good. He might actually get the job. And it was obvious this interview wasn't very professional so he didn't have to prepare anything.

"Wait here for a moment, sir, I'll be back." Killian wondered why the man kept calling him 'sir'. The man itself was quite fat and had sweaty armpits. He was middle-age but obviously had the body of a twelve year old, not the most professional boss you'd imagine. But he'd guess that was a good thing, so Killian didn't have to make himself look better then he actually was. The man returned and gave Killian a small pile of papers.

"You're hired. Just fill in this contract and I'll see you next week on Monday." The man extended his arm. Killian shook the hand and nodded. "See you next week, Killian."

"Thankyou, I'll be there." Killian smiled and left the office. He was happier then ever, he actually did it. He had a job that was possibly even amusing and he was planning on keeping it. He started dreaming of what he could start to save money for. Maybe a working television ? Or a new cushion for Nana ? The excitement rose up to his head and before he knew he bumped into a girl. The girl fell to the ground.

"Look where you walk, jerk." The blonde complained. Wow, what a bitch.

"I'm sorry, love." Killian helped the blonde back up and put her hair behind her shoulder. She slapped his hand away and zipped her red leather jacket back up.

"Keep off me, you perv !" She flipped her hair over her back and practically ran away. Killian glanced over to see the pretty lady walk away. But nothing could destroy his happy mood. He had a job and was just about to call Liam for it.


	4. Chapter 4

Aurora's hand launched in the air when Professor Whale finished his question. The question was as easy as it could get for Emma, since she had stayed up all night trying to finish her medical homework; she accidentally read a book until 9 p.m. and started freaking out when she saw the blank pile of papers still on her desk. Ruby sat next to her and was too distracted to even hear the question, since she'd rather run op to Professor Whale and kiss him on the spot. Her hand rested under her head as she laughed at all the stupid jokes he made and constantly checked her make-up when she saw he was watching her, because he did that. Emma was more interested in the boy that sat a few seats away from her, next to Liam. Liam was one of her best friends and they spend a lot of time together, but he was still some of a closed book. Never really talked about his personal life and as far as she knew, she and Ruby were his only friends. Introducing was never really Liam's thing but Emma stood on her tip-toes for meeting who he was talking to right now. He had quite dark hair and a little beard, exactly what Emma was attracted to. She grabbed the round mirror out of Ruby's grip and checked herself on spots and when Ruby noticed whom she was looking at she grimaced.

"Not bad, Ems, not bad!"

Emma held her finger on her lips and hoped the boy wouldn't have heard that. Ruby just rolled her eyes and fixated on Professor Whale again, who winked at her. Ruby made a sound as if she were about to faint and wrote down some notes. Emma finished her drawing on the paper and when the bell rang she rushed to her best friend. Luckily she noticed that the boy was still there and tried to look as normal as she could.

"Hi, Liam. Mind having lunch in The Fourchette after the next class?" She walked up to Liam and made a surprised face when she noticed the boy.

"Can't, sorry. Oh, and Emma, meet Graham."

"Hello Emma." The boy spoke "So, are you two dating or something?"

Emma and Liam both started to laugh uncontrollably and after a few minutes they cooled down, Emma not believing he just said that. "Nononono, Liam and I just know each other from class and I'm so kind for offering him my friendship" She winked at Liam.

"Damn, would've been a good choice, Jones." Emma blushed at Graham's words. "And why can't you come with her?"

"I have got some problems back home. I'm skipping class, I'm sorry."

"Again?" Emma asked sadly.

"Yeah, thought I never had to but turns out I was wrong..." Liam clenched his fist and checked his phone.

"Could you just please tell what's this about, maybe we can help." Emma asked politely, not trying to insult him.

"It's my brother... Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy but just went a little... wild with.. _stuff._" It felt like Liam couldn't even speak the words without his eyes shimmering with some tears. Liam blinked them away and smiled at his friends. "But don't worry, I'll handle him! You guys get some lunch or something, see you later." He strode off and left Emma and Graham there.

The pair stood there silent for a moment, looking at their feet as if they were waiting for a conversation to hit them in the face but then Emma remembered that she had to go to class. And she had Mathematics, which she wasn't looking forward to, besides if...

"Hey, you have Mathematics too now ?"

"Wait, let me take a look-" He took out a little paper with some writing on it "Seems like I do. Shall we proceed together?" He asked in an old man's voice and held out his arm for Emma. Emma bowed and took his arm. They had a good laugh in Mathematics laughing at Aurora when she answered incorrectly and when Graham drew a moustache above his lip with a pen Emma couldn't breathe for a moment. She was happy to have met him and she couldn't wait to have lunch. Luckily the hour passed quickly and they ran towards the cosy restaurant. The Fourchette was **the **place for people to have a nice lunch. Some bands performed in the evening and sometimes even in the afternoon. Emma ordered a Pizza Hawaii while Graham couldn't wait to get his hands on the restaurant's favourite kebab. A girl was singing with a guitar when they finished their food and ordered a glass of beer each. But Emma still had a load of work to do and David asked her to come home so they could have dinner together. Too tired and happy to make a fuss, she just agreed and said she wouldn't be late.

"So you just, like, hit her in the face?" Graham asked with a smile of misbelieve in his face.

"No one just tells me my stuffed unicorn isn't pretty."

"You were eight, normal eight year olds cry !"

"Well, I wasn't such a pussy like you then." Her eyes were full of pride. Graham finished his glass and put it on the table, Emma had already finished hers a long time ago but didn't get tired at all when she was talking with Graham. They stood up and glanced another look at the performer on the stage, it was still the girl but a friend had joined her and they were now jamming together. They covered a Coldplay album and Emma was sure to search them on Google and listen to some of their tracks. Graham looked on his watch and nodded; it was 4 p.m. and that meant his class was starting soon, and Emma had to return home. He looked into her eyes and placed a soft kiss on her cheek and smiled when he saw her blushing and looking around the room, trying to find something to focus on so she wouldn't grab him in for a kiss.

"See you at Practical Exercise tomorrow then?" He chuckled when he saw she still couldn't look him in the eyes and she nodded. He took off and Emma went the opposite direction, towards the bus-stop. She was worrying about what she would have to do when she got home. Not only all the homework but she also had to help David with his files, since he still couldn't get over the fact that she had **no** interest at all in becoming what he was. Plus she wanted to finish the book she bought and had to do some research about Rabies. She sighed but smiled when she felt the sun burning on her skin, it was a beautiful day and she could spend it next to the pool with her papers. Suddenly someone blocked the sunlight and ran straight into her. The man looked as if he hadn't slept for days but was still smiling bright. His clothes smelled like alcohol and a lot of smoke and coughed a little when she accidentally buried her nose in his shirt and fell to the ground. The dark-haired man looked down to her and smirked as if he thought it was funny. And she really didn't.

"Look where you walk, jerk." She yelled up at him, trying to get him to see the fault he just made. These were her favourite jeans for fuck's sake.

"I'm sorry, love." he answered with a flirtatious smile. Emma couldn't believe it, he just knocked her to the ground and now he was calling her 'love' ? But she knew the accent from somewhere. She had heard it before, when Liam got a little loose when he got slightly drunk. The Irish jerk got her up and stepped closer to her. Emma didn't have a single clue what was going on. Was he going to kiss her or something? She shivered at that thought. That would be absolutely disgusting and she wasn't in the mood for licking out an ashtray. Instead he just pushed her hair over her shoulder and looked at her from head to toe. _Was he_ **_seriously_ **_checking her out right now ? _She put on a disgusted face and pushed him back, slapping his hand back. She noticed his eyes got stuck on her chest and zipped up her leather vest. This man was being more inappropriate then she'd ever seen.

"Keep off me, you perf." She shouted and ran off, not believing what just happened. What would have happened when they would've been alone. She felt her eyes squint even thinking about that. She looked behind her and saw the guy smiling and crossing the road while he was dialling something on his phone, obviously not worrying about the fact that he just harassed a girl. She sighed, this guy was miserable. The bus came faster then she thought, the hours must've changed and on the ride home she read her notes she made in Mathematics. They contained a lot of jokes about Aurora like: What's Aurora's favourite place to pend the holidays? The Nerd-isles ! and of course a lot of drawing Emma made. She learned the useful stuff and got out of the bus. David wasn't home the first 3 hours so Emma buried her nose in her favourite book and tanned next to the pool. By the time she got to bed, she had already picked the clothes she'd wear the next day. She couldn't wait to see Graham again.

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Review ? ^-^


	5. Chapter 5

The last couple of days had been better than Killian would've expected. He was very busy at work and had hardly been late. Though his boss hadn't been very fond of him. When Killian went out to get his well-deserved smoking break, Mr Finns always seemed to have some work laying around which was, to Killian, hardly something to worry about. But he was glad to have a job again, earning his own money instead of lending it from others. He also decided to take the night shift, so that would keep him away from the bar at night, and he succeeded in being clean for over a week now. Liam had just appeared in the weekends, and seemed to be very glad at the sight of Killian's cleaned up apartment though he couldn't stay very long since finals were coming. Sometimes Killian wished he hadn't given up college and met some new people; he didn't have that many friends for the moment. Some of them thought Killian had changed since what happened with Milah and some of them just got sick of him seeing him nothing but drunk every night. Only one of his best friends had stayed: Smee. The guy wasn't really a sunshine either, since he'd lost his leg in a car crash. Smee had had a very severe drug problem the moment Killian met him, and became his friend. Long ago, when times were even darker, him and Smee used to meet up in his apartment and mess up their lives together. But that stopped after the accident.

Killian remembered it like it had been yesterday. Smee and him went, like every other night, to this club called 'The Well'. They had met some other 'friends' there that gave them free access to the place behind it, where it was **crowded **with dealers. Killian never really got into that kind of stuff, mostly because he was already too drunk to hold it properly. Smee on the contrary seemed to have a yearning need to it, and since Killian's brain was working like a potato, he agreed to get him some. Of course nobody could see them, and they didn't really want to do it in the place at the back. So, Killian thought, it would be a great idea to drive over to the park and do it there. That was the moment it all went wrong. Killian wasn't driving, because he had been drinking again, so Smee took the wheel. What Killian didn't know, or didn't even think about, was that his friend had already taken some, probably while Killian was sitting at the bar, making a pass at some girls. They just weren't thinking. And about fifty meters from the park, Killian noticed something. Smee was gliding in and out of consciousness, his head falling against the window. Though Killian's reflexes were as useful as those of a disabled goose, he took the wheel and tried to control the car. But he had been too late. A tree had appeared in front of the car's lights and they crashed into it. Then it all went black for him. Next moment he was in the hospital, Liam sighing in his palms next to him. That was actually the moment Liam found out about Killian's addiction but he was also the man who told him that his best friend was in the OR. And Killian soon found out his leg had to be amputated. Killian's hand hadn't been in a good state either; it had been twisted and broken in the crash but he was lucky to keep it. Smee and Killian didn't hang out much after that, afraid to fall back in their old habits. But now and then, every 2 weeks, he saw back his best friend and told him he was clean. He didn't have a drop of alcohol when Smee was around and made him believe Killian had changed, which was one of the biggest lies he had **ever **told him. It had all been Killian's fault, if he hadn't suggested to drive over to the park then-

"Jones, tHERES A COSTUMER!" The voice of his boss made his eardrums shudder. The memory flew to the back of his head and he was staring into a man's eyes who were looking annoyingly nervous. How long had he been staring in the distance again? _Man, he really needed his cigarette-break now. _

"Oh, er, yeah. Hello, mate." He smiled at the costumer, hoping him to leave very soon so he could have his break.

"Just wanted to get this movie..." He lifted up an eyebrow and shoved a DVD on the desk.

"Good choice!" Killian noticed. He'd seen this horror movie for over a few times now but the guy was the first to actually lend it.

"Yeah, hope she'll like it either..."

"Ah, for your lass ?" The guy smirked at that. "And can I have your identity card, obligation ya know ?"

"Yeah, no not yet. Just met her a week ago, and here you go. I'm not younger than twelve, I promise." And he handed Killian his ID.

"This'll win her over, believe me, mate." He winked and handed the DVD. "Bring it back next week, Graham, and thanks for coming." Graham just smiled and nodded when he exited the store. Finally, time for his break.

* * *

It was Friday night. Killian found himself at the bar again. But Ruby, the waitress, refused to give him any booze. Instead he was burdened with a glass of Coke. But he was actually quite happy to have someone who told him not to drink. If she hadn't acted, the night would've went a whole other way. But, in total control of himself, Killian was having a conversation, of course with the only person in the whole bar who wasn't afraid of the aggressively drunk Killian: Ruby. She only went to work Saturday and Sunday evening and sometimes on Wednesday, when she didn't have any classes. She was still in college, studying for becoming an archeologist. But now she was telling Killian, for almost the hundredths time, how she attended an open class with her favorite medical teacher, Professor Whale. She squeaked when she told him again and again how he smiled and winked at her. "He's obviously single, right?" and "I think he really likes me" and of course "How long would it take for him to ask me on a date? How long do you guys usually wait, Killian?" she repeated quite a lot.

Killian never saw something more in Ruby than just a friend. Partially because they practically grew up together. She lived next door when Killian and his family moved in, and they met on the playground when Liam fell from the swings. Killian didn't regret pushing his brother too hard, since Liam didn't let him on the swings first. But Ruby rushed over to Liam and patched him up with some band-aids she always seemed to carry around. Ever since, they played on the streets together. She was there at his first day in High School and was his only reason he never repeated a class. After Killian's mother died and Liam went to college, Killian started seeing her a lot less. Apart from his vague evenings at the counter, of course. But now and then he succeeded in appearing in front of her, clean and sober, ready to pay his dept and listen to **her **story for a change.

"Oh, and Killian. My friend Tink's having a great party after finals. All my friends will be there, do you mind coming ?" She asked totally out of the blue. Killian didn't just nod and smile at that, like he had been doing for the last hour, but looked up surprised.

"I would love to, lass, but don't you think... Well, there will obviously be some drinks there and... Don't you think now is not the time?" He couldn't really get out of his words. I mean, of course he **wanted **to come and meet some people. But knowing himself, he may not even remember the night after.

"But it'll be fine!" She squeaked. "You're not drinking now, are you? I mean, we're at a bar! And besides, it would be good for you to come out of your shell for an evening. You've been moving from your work to here to your apartment for the last week. Maybe some change in environment will do you good." And she looked at him with eyes sparkling of hope.

"I understand that, love. But what if-"

"You won't." And again, those eyes, who stared right into his soul. Someone who actually believed in him and really thought he could do a thing like that. Even Smee wouldn't dare suggest such a thing, even though he thought Killian was clean. And the conviction stroke Killian's mind.

"Whatever, say your friend I'll be there."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squeezed the living soul out of Killian. Her arms crossed around his back and still yelling in his ear. Killian just froze for a second; it had been ages since someone hugged him. When she finally released Killian out of her tight grip, she looked at her watch and threw her hand on her forehead. "Damn, I'm late. See you later !" And she ran outside, leaving Killian frozen with a glass of Coke in his hand.

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	6. Chapter 6

She held up the paper in front of her with her eyes closed, like she always did. She breathed in deep and out loud. _It'll be good. You just have to pass it. _Her eyes opened slightly but she looked to her side, where Tink was talking to Ruby, obviously passed the test. She moved her head to her paper again, biting her lip. Her heart raged and she felt herself becoming sweatier by the minute. If she didn't pass this test, she'll be in real trouble. Mary-Margaret would understand, although she'd be having a 2-hour conversation with her again about the importance of education, but David on the other hand would be furious. He wasn't the aggressive type, he was much worse. He was the silent, disappointed type, who would just sigh and refuse to look her in the eye. Emma thought she couldn't have a worse punishment then seeing the persons she admired the most seeing her as a disgrace. So she opened one eye. Slowly, then in one blink. Her eyes flew over the paper and spotted a capital letter C+. She jumped off her chair and accidentally hit Tink in the shoulder, who was now leaning on Ruby's chest, looking quite shocked up at the bouncing Emma.

"I passed, I passed, I passed !" Emma yelled over the auditorium. Also Graham noticed Emma's screams of excitement and was now enjoying how she got told off by one of the teachers. She sat back down and let out a squeak, while she handed the test over to Ruby. She just came in after her lesson, to catch up with her friends who all attended different classes than her. Ruby opened her arms and hugged the still up-and-down-jumping Emma.

Emma's eyes suddenly widened. "I can attend the party. Oh my god, Tink. I can actually come. I can't believe it." And now Tink was also smiling bright and writing another name in her phone. Emma could see a quick glance of the phone and saw a long lists of names, probably the whole school. But Emma wasn't really surprised; Tink was by far one of the most popular girls of the whole university and, Emma must admit, was also a very pretty girl, anyone was proud to be her friend.

While her friends all headed back to the two doors leading to the halls, forming a huge crowd, Emma saw Graham wave enthusiastically. She jumped over some desks and ended up in front of Graham who now lifted up her chin.

"Congratulations." He grinned.

"Ah, well thank you, fine gentleman." Emma got back to the old-man voice Graham had used when they first met. He now searched for one of her hands and fitted his into hers. She blushed again but this time she didn't try to look away and kissed him on the cheek.

"Where are we going, Graham?"

"My place, ready for a movie-night?"

"You're kidding me!"

"What… You don't like it?" He suddenly didn't sound so sure.

"No, no, It's freaking great!" Her eyes sparkled. "Let's go." And she pulled Graham's arm, leading him out of the auditorium, where Miss Grasp shook her head disapprovingly when they knocked over some chairs. They got into Graham's Volkswagen and drove off to his place. Emma stared out of the window and looked at people crossing the street and selling newspapers. An old lady had waved at her but the car accelerated quickly so Emma could just throw a little smile at her. Emma spotted some of her friends shopping and rolled down her window to shout something. Graham had just smiled and put on his sunglasses, trying to see trough the blinding rays of sunlight. They even saw Liam, who just came out an apartment complex with a grin Emma had never seen on his face before. They honked and asked if he perhaps needed a ride, but he refused and told him he had to study, on what they looked at each other with an _oh-shit-finals-are-coming _look but decided to procrastinate their work just a bit longer and parked Graham's car. Graham also seemed to still live with his parents and seemed to have a bunch of relatives. The villa was gigantic and when Emma glanced a look at the dining room, she saw a table, which was at least 16 feet long with chairs seated at each side.

Graham took her down to what seemed to be a cellar, which had been redecorated with Christmas-lights on the walls and a huge cozy sofa in front of a flat-screen. He put on some music and dimmed the lights while Emma made herself comfortable in the big brown sofa. Looking up to him, she tapped on the place next to her with a little simper. But he put back on his jacket and grabbed the remote from a distance so he could turn on the television.

"Just going to get the movie, you wait here!" He winked.

"Don't go running off, I'll find you." She snickered and threw a blanket over her long legs. The coffee table was full with filled bowls of chips and nuts. A large bottle of Sprite stood next to them and Emma didn't mind serving herself something to drink while she was waiting to have a great evening.

David and Mary-Margaret couldn't know about this. Not yet. If they knew she had a boyfriend, she first had to pass her finals and prove he didn't distract her from her work, which he was actually doing already. But **Emma** didn't mind, if she hadn't been with Graham, she would've been home, distracting herself form work with books, TV-shows and drawing. So now she could do that with Graham, instead of alone. And besides, he wasn't really her boyfriend, yet. Emma had a strange feeling that he'd kiss her tonight, with the dimmed lights and lonely cellar. God, how she'd missed this. The last time she had this, only some years ago, it hadn't went exactly like she would've wanted. And she still regretted her awful choice.

At that moment, Graham came back down the cellar with a horror movie in his hand. He held it in the air with a face of amazement and shouted "Best. Movie. Ever. I'm sure you'll like it"

And Emma did, in fact. She had always loved horror movies, and this one was particularly scary. The moment where they chased after the head-character, Emma had buried her face in Graham's chest and dared not to look. She then felt Graham's comforting hand holding her close and they continued watching, holding each other.

The movie ended, and the credits rolled. Emma was too scared to look away from the screen, because she felt Graham's look in the side of her eyes. He then took the remote and turned off the television, still looking in Emma's eyes. Then Emma slowly turned her head and looked straight back into Graham's dark-blue eyes. They felt like a void to look in and she swallowed. Graham brought his hand up to Emma's cheekbone and brought his head slowly closer to hers. Then he kissed her softly. The kiss didn't last long as Graham pulled away quickly, seeing if Emma didn't mind his action. But Emma, to Graham's surprise, smiled widely and pulled him in for a far more passionate, and a lot longer, kiss. Graham held Emma's back steady as he slowly bended over her. Emma let her fall backwards and the back of her head touched the soft red cushion. They made out for a long time and didn't notice how outside the darkness was increasing, blackening every inch of the beautiful day outside. As time passed by, Emma seemed to enjoy his kindness more and more, until she heard her phone ring.

As if her ringtone wasn't embarrassing enough, the shouting of David's voice made her go completely red. It was 8 p.m. and they had waited for her at the dining table for over half an hour. And as much as Emma wanted to explain herself, she really couldn't. Graham was just watching her going red from a distance, feeling obviously bad for her as her rubbed her back. When Emma ended the call he held her close again and kissed her on her forehead.

"Seems like they need you back there… Pity you couldn't stay that long…" He breathed.

"Graham, I've been here four hours." She smiled in his void-like eyes.

"Not long enough for me…" And he kissed her shortly. Emma pulled back quickly so they wouldn't end back on the sofa, and put on her red leather jacket. She ran upstairs and shouted "Going to miss you!" when she closed the front door behind her, still not recovered from the fact that he'd kissed her. Suddenly the yelling back home didn't seem to matter and she let it all pass by. She could still go to that party of Tink's, since Emma had passed her test, so she really hadn't had that much to worry about. Expect finals, of course. Because before she knew it, they were only days away.

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	7. Chapter 7

She re-read the paper in her hand one last time, pride increasing everytime she did so. She passed everything, except for Mathematics of course. Her explanation would be, like always, that the teacher just really didn't like her and she would convince Ruby to agree and play her role as innocent and honest friend. Also Physics could've gone better, but that had been her last exam where she had been far from concentrated; she had been counting down from the moment she woke up to her first _real _party in college. Her first party that didn't involve babysitting or kissing grandfathers on the cheek. She still felt a little sad when she found out, during her second exam, that Graham couldn't be there. He had a proper excuse though: His grandmother was being buried that evening and Emma had no right whatsoever in accusing him for attending a family-member's funeral.

But that didn't get down her mood, as she happily entered a shopping mall with Belle and Ruby by her side, who were going to share the experience of Tink's party. Emma managed to find something she liked in every store they entered. At first, she was going to wear a dress, as she was planning to look all fancy and hard-to-get. Then she came across a beautiful skirt, decorated with strange figures but Ruby gave her the _I'm-going-to-puke-on-it-if-you-dare-wearing-the-ugly-thing _stare and Emma quietly pushed it to the back of the racks and proceeded her search for the perfect outfit. After entering and exiting thousands of stores and having a healthy sandwich for lunch, Emma finally found what she was looking for: A grey loose top with a pair of ripped black shorts, not too shaggy and certainly not too chique. It wasn't expensive either, so she could take the spare money that her niece ha given to her and spend it on the blue bonnet she had always wanted.

Only hours before the party started, Emma went to Ruby's place and got herself ready.

* * *

"We really have to go now, Nana." Killian sighed at his dog, who was stopping at every single tree they passed, sniffing and holding Killian back from proceeding home. Although Nana wasn't a big dog, she had the power of one at least twice as big. Maybe because he went jogging with her a lot, so he wouldn't have to do it alone. She was being really stubborn again, pulling her leash. Killian kneeled down next to her and rubbed her back, he whispered in her ear "Let's go get…. **A treat**, lass." Nana didn't have to hear more and her ears levitated. She jumped away from the tree with her tongue hanging out of her mouth.

"Works every time." Killian grinned and got soon pulled home by the hungry Nana.

He entered his apartment, which looked extra-ordinarily clean since Liam had visited him a few times and threw Nana some dog biscuits. He opened his closet and picked out some black pants and a black t-shirt. To keep it a little cheerful, he added a silver necklace with a small cross hanging from it's end. When he was picking his shoes, he fist grabbed for his shiny black ones, but made up his mind and chose the oak-brown pair. He took a quick shower and got dressed, not particularly caring about how he was looking, it couldn't be **that **bad. He just drew on some eye-liner, what he thought was still a little woman-ish but Ruby had said that 'guy-liner' would look great on him so he decided to try something new for a change.

Killian was just filling up his pockets with his phone and his wallet when he heard a loud bark coming from the front door. It was Nana, she had picked up her leash and stood crying loudly at the front door, Killian sighed, though still smiling and kissed his dog behind her ear.

"I just took you for a walk…" But Nana didn't redraw her puppy-eyes "Look, I'll be back before you know it, and then I'll take you to the park, all right?" He winked and as if Nana had understood her owner, she let the leash fall from her mouth and jumped up the sofa, placing her head under her paws. Killian took a look at the clock above the kitchen. The party had already started, so he turned off all the lights in his apartment and left it. He started his car, almost shaking out of stress. To relax a bit, he put on his favorite AC/DC-cd; the one Liam gave him on his birthday last year. He really needed to relax for a bit; his veins were straight up swollen from being so nervous. This would be his first _real _party since Smee's accident and he had no idea how he had to act. Should he be all sociable and pretend to be the carefree cool guy? Or sit alone in a corner, staring at everyone having a good time? Although Killian hadn't even arrived yet, he somehow knew he would end up as the last one. He exited the car, glanced one last look at it and entered the noisy, flickering house.

The house was enormous, it had more rooms than Killian found needed. A chamber with a pool-table inside, one with just some play-stations and even an empty one where someone had put up a disco ball. Killian couldn't recognize a single face, but he was far from surprised about that since he'd never been anywhere else than the bar for over a year now. So he took place in one of the most crowded rooms. People's voices could be heard shouting from every direction an not one of them not sounding glad. _So he was going to be the only one who wasn't going to enjoy himself, great. _

A familiar voice resounded in the distance, first very vague and far away but it seemed to be heading towards him. A girl with blonde hair, held up tight in a bun was blushing and approaching him. She looked back awkwardly a few times and stood suddenly giggling in front of him. Now he knew why, because a brown-haired girl's head had popped up from behind the woman's back, still holding both hands onto it. Ruby pushed the girl a little closer to Killian. She shouted over the voiced of the people and slightly into the blonde girl's ear.

"HI KILLIAN, THIS IS TINK!"

Killian scratched the back of his head because he knew what Ruby was trying to do here. She knew all about what happened between him and Milah and was constantly coupling him with girls that, she thought, 'looked his type'. Out of pure awkwardness, Killian winked at the girl and before he knew it, she had seated next to him.

"You didn't miss me, then?" She chuckled, still flashing red now and then. The girl was very pretty, but Killian had no idea what her red lips were babbling about right now… He didn't recognize her at all and bit his lip.

"I'm sorry to ask, love, but have we met before?" And now the pretty girl's face turned red again. But she wasn't blushing, she was furious.

"Wh- But, a few weeks ago, at the bar! YOU DON'T REMEMBER?!" And a burning fist of embarrassment hit Killian right in the face. She wouldn't have been the first bar-wench he had brought home completely drunk, but she was definitely the first who he came across again.

"Sorry, lass, not really…" But he immediately regretted he had said that as a manicured hand slapped his cheek harder than Killian would've thought she could hit. He felt the figure of her hand still burning on his cheek when the girl stood up and left the room, shouting angrily.

Killian turned his seat around and let his hands rest on the counter. Couldn't he just skip this night and return back home, to Nana? Of course that would've been kinda lame and Ruby would be straight up disappointed when she would find out he hadn't even stayed past 1 a.m. And suddenly Killian noticed something; tiny glasses with see-through liquid stood in a proper line in front of him. He licked his dry lips and looked around, to be sure neither Ruby nor Liam was watching him, even if he knew Liam surely wasn't at the party. His mind seemed to perform some kind of a backflip as he forgot all the promises he made to himself.

"Ah fuck it. One can't hurt." He whispered to himself and he tossed down his first glass what was soon followed by a second and a third, as if Killian was rewarding himself for being clean for so long. God how he'd missed this. It quickly got out of hand when he got both his hands on a delicious brand of scotch, although he preferred rum. And a weak smile appeared on his face, at last enjoying himself. Alone he still was and he inspected the room yet again. The booze that filled his stomach made the room look like paradise with loads of happy people. Except for one. He had seen her earlier, talking to Ruby and another girl, but Ruby had already seemed to have left the party. _Bloody hell, how late was it? _ And she was now doing exactly what he had stared apparently a couple of hours ago, probably out of loneliness.

Killian had moved, or more fitting **stumbled **, away from the counter and was now leaning back into a sofa with a half-empty bottle clenched in his fingers. The girl seemed to have noticed Killian looking at her and now staggered towards the sofa. She clearly didn't have as much to drink as Killian, but seemed to have had just enough to almost land on his lap. Killian didn't complain and caught drunkenly her eyesight. Having an extremely hard time trying to focus his view on the girl, he noticed how beautiful she was. Blonde hair was flowing on a grey loose shirt like a waterfall, and although Killian saw the girl's eyes as a blur, he could tell they were pretty.

Without spilling a single word, the girl suddenly attached Killian's lips, pulling him by the collar of his shirt. The sober Killian would've pulled back from the drunk girl but now that three quarters of a whisky-bottle had raised up into his brain, it felt like being kissed by an angel. Killian, the aggressive drunk as he was, lifted the girl up from the couch and smashed her onto the wall, hearing several whistles and loud giggles from behind them; a crowd had formed around them and looked at the two wasted strangers licking eachother off. How long him and the strange girl had stood there, Killian didn't know. But what he did know, was that one moment he was pulling her towards a bedroom but stumbled over a carpet in the kitchen, and the other he was ripping off her clothes on the cold kitchen floor. She was doing the same with him as she stretched his fancy shirt a bit too much to get it over his head. The Martini-taste from the girl's lips tasted bitter and after she had wrapped her legs around Killian's waist, it all went strangely black for him. As if his own brain censored the scenes out of itself.


	8. Chapter 8

Emma's back felt cold and almost harder than what she was laying on. But her front felt warmer, softer and less lonely. As she tried to turn around to her side, she could feel a strong arm wrapped around her stomach. Luckily she had somewhat of a pair of black jeans to place her head on, or her headache could've been worse then it already was. The body lying next to her felt warm and as she snuggled her head close to it, she almost forgot how hard the kitchen floor was. The kitchen was bright this late in the afternoon. Curtains were nicely hung on their hooks and birds outside made it more than clear that it was day, but Emma didn't want it to be day just yet. The room wasn't spinning anymore and all of the guys that she'd been playing drinking-games had vanished too. All she could hear right now were the annoying songs of the pigeons outside and quite the snoring next to her ear. But Emma's eyes didn't open, not until her awkward ringtone went off again, and she could swear she'd heard it in her dream a couple of times.

Her eyes still closed, she reached with her weak and sleepy arm towards the noisy phone, picked it up just when it stopped ringing and looked at the screen.

10 missed calls

She tapped the screen.

2 Ruby  
8 Home

_Shit._

And at last, she slowly got up and sat down on the ground. The sunlight pricked in her eyes and with her feet she kicked some empty cups on the ground. But it wasn't until she had turned around to see where she was and noticed someone lying on the ground next to her that she jumped to her feet, screaming loudly. It was a man, obviously. A completely nude man, apart from some boxers was lying next to her, sleeping. And it wasn't Graham. He was quite handsome though; he had dark brown –almost black- hair with sideburns and a rough little beard. His hair was messy and he had enormous rings under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in days. Emma sniffed the loose black shirt she was wearing and smelled smoke and booze, but that didn't prove anything after a party like last night's. The man's chest was covered in black chest hair that, Emma thought, was really attracting. And she thought of all of this while loud and shrieking yells escaped her sour mouth. And then the body moved.

"Could you keep it down, love? My head's already pounding, thanks." The man hissed and blinked one eye open. But when he noticed Emma, he sat straight up and rubbed in his eyes. Emma couldn't help but notice a golden ring on his finger. '_He isn't married is he?'_ her heart whispered. Emma could hear some kind of curse words flowing silently out of his mouth as he exhaled. Emma picked her courage back up.

"We haven't… Like… Have we?" Was the last of her courage capable of bringing out. And, out of Emma's surprise, the man smiled a little.

"I'm sorry to say, lass, but I couldn't imagine refusing a face like yours." But then Emma noticed; the accent, the awful smell and the recognizable Irish accent.

"It's you! The guy from the street, the assh-.. Oh my god!" She yelled.

"Killian Jones, pleasure to meet you." The guy groaned and made a weak bow. He got up to his feet, leaning against the kitchen counter. His hangover was obviously far worse than Emma's, as he could barely stand nor open his eyes. Killian straightened his back with a roar of pure pain and rested with both his elbows on the counter.

"…Jones?"

"Aye?"

"As in Liam Jones?" His eyes widened at his name.

"How do you know my brother?" And Emma didn't answer for a minute; just staring at the person she had slept with. Liam -her best friend- his brother. _What the hell._

"Er, w-we have some classes together. Just never thought his brother was… so.. old?"

"Trying to take this as a compliment, lass." Sudden silence. "Wait, my brother mentioned me?"

"Once or twice, when he was about to meet you. Last time was with Gr- Oh my god."

"Like I said, lass, Killian's fine." The guy grinned at his bad pun.

"Graham. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend! And I slept with you!"

"Bloody hell, could you stop yelling, love? I would appreciate that." Killian whispered. But Emma was pacing around the room with tears of anger in her eyes. _How could she have done this to Graham ? When she finally found someone so loyal to her. _And she let herself fall backwards into a kitchen chair, her hands covering her wet eyes. She sobbed there for a minute, thinking about how awful she was and how in hell she would explain this at home. And suddenly, a comforting arm wrapped itself around her shoulder. The arm held her forehead and her hands separated and wiped off Emma's tears.

"It'll be fine, lass. Now, let's get you fixed up a little." He said gently while he walked over to the coffee machine. He placed two empty cups under the machine and started searching for something in the liquor cabinet. Emma looked up, completely confused, wondering where he was going to take his action. And his bearded face popped up again, with a small bottle of alcohol clenched in his fist.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Emma couldn't believe her eyes; after what she'd just told him, he was still trying to get both of them drunk again?

"Don't worry, love. I'm not using it for that." He winked.

"Are you still drunk or something? How are you going to use **that **for something else?"

"Good hangover remedy, take it from a professional." But this time his wink didn't seem so charming at all. More like he felt bad for himself. But Emma decided to ignore it and accepted the spiced cup of coffee Killian gave to her.

They just sat there for a while, warming their cold hands on the steaming cup. Emma sometimes noticed Killian watching her but whenever he saw her noticing, he quickly focused back on the cup. Minutes passed and Emma started to feel a little better and at least a little more relaxed. It had all been a stupid mistake, something she hadn't planned and never expected to happen. Graham would understand, **right**?

The guy's phone rang. Without looking at the screen he just put the phone to his ear and whispered "Aye?" Killian's hangover was obviously far from over as he squinted his eyes because of the voice yelling trough the phone.

"Look, Liam, I'm-"

"Yeah, I didn't intend to. Don't tell me what to d-" And then Killian went silent for a couple of seconds. Just listening to Liam's voice yelling through the phone. His mouth fell open and while voices were still sounding from the mobile, he held it away from his ear.

Emma comfort started dripping away when Killian got up from his chair and paced around the room. All of the sudden, Killian threw his mobile to the wall, screaming loudly. His hands went for the chair he sat on and flipped it over. He yelled words little kids would have to stick their fingers in their ears for. Killian's screams scared the hell out of Emma and she got up from her chair and stepped backwards, until her back reached a wall. She heard a fist smash into a wall and it all went silent. Her hands reached for her coffee mug, so she could warm her hands on it but she realized she had dropped it. She walked alongside the wall and looked over to the kitchen. Killian was sitting on the counter, murmuring some words she couldn't understand.

"Killian... Are you all right? What happened?" Emma swallowed.

"Bloody hell, lass, not now." But Killian seemed to not have meant that as he just continued his sentence. "I'm fired, okay? I had to take the morning shift and here I am." His hand smashed on the counter.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault, love. Nothing you could've done, all my bloody mistake."

"I cheated on my boyfriend if that makes you feel any better." And Killian grinned. The silence took over their conversation for a while as Killian was jut sitting on the counter, trying to realize what had just happened.

"How's Liam doing, like in class…?" Killian suddenly asked.

"Er, well.. good? I guess? He's not in all my classes, he's a little older…"

"How old are you, then?"

"And why would I tell you, again?" _Don't play hard to get now, Emma. You have a boyfriend, remember? _The little voice in her head screamed again.

"Because we spend a night together, love. I'm allowed to know that little." He grimaced.

"Liam's two years older than me, I met him when I was in my first year. Little did he know I-" And her mouth shut close, like she had said something unforgivable.

"Know what?"

"Nothing, forget about it, all right?" The words sounded a little rude, but it made him at least shut up, Emma was in no mood talking about that.

"Well, that makes us the same age then." The smile on his face brightened. Emma let him take the pleasure, as she saw he wasn't trembling and shaking out of anger anymore. Her hangover had almost passed completely and Killian didn't seem to have a hard time anymore too. She jumped off the kitchen table.

"Just who are you, lass?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." She grimaced and her phone beeped. She was going to miss class if she didn't go now.

"It's been nice meeting you, Killian. But I have to run… Good luck with work and stuff, see ya." Emma grabbed her coat and ran towards the door.

"Same for you, love." He almost sounded sad she had to leave. Emma exited the door with a quick run. But suddenly decided to walk back a couple of meters and stuck her head through the door opening.

"Swan. Emma Swan."

"Goodbye, Swan." And she took off, not noticing she had left her beeping phone on the kitchen table.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay, had a busy week ^-^ Review?_


	9. Chapter 9

Her smile made his jaw drop again. Such beauty and still so modest, nothing like he'd seen before. The name still echoed in his skull. _Emma Swan. _Out of all girls he could have chosen from, he had to choose the friend of his brother, who, of course, had a boyfriend. He had not only disappointed his brother, but probably ended a relationship too. Brilliant. But she didn't seem to make a fuss. No, on the contrary; She was almost less stressed about it than he was. But then again, she hadn't had Liam. He really needed to stop involving Ruby, Liam's personal newscaster about Killian's life. But he couldn't blame her, she was right after all.

Because he had done it again. And just when it all started to build back up, he had to get it down again. It had lasted for a week, which was, in Killian's opinion, quite long. Not long enough of course. Because at the very moment, he could feel his hands trembling again. Sometimes when that happened, it was because of pure anger or just a need to punch something. Killian was the aggressive type after all. But this time it wasn't a need to hit anything, more like a need to **drink **anything. The feeling was weird, inexplicable to people whom had never felt it, but horrifying. It almost felt hypnotizing, as if someone was spamming your brain with the same message over and over again. _More. More. _He had talked about it once, but only to someone whom he really trusted, and who would maybe understand him; Smee. It was back in the days, just when they had woken up from an 'epic' night. Smee had said he knew what Killian meant. The yearning need. Not being able to shut your brain up. But the difference between them both was, that Killian tried to ignore it. While Smee had accepted it as his lifestyle.

His eyes fell down to a half empty bottle of a fine brand of rum, standing on the counter. _Bloody hell, it almost seems like someone __**wants **__me to. _He couldn't go back to morning-drinking, because those were the worst. You had a hangover right before bed and than you really needed to get more just to get some sleep. But his hands thought different, as they were already opening the bottle, shaking with need. _No, no, no, stop. Please. Now. _

And then, at that very moment, something distracted him. That didn't happen very often, but he was happy it did now. On the other side of the room, on the kitchen table, he could see a small object. At first seeming not really that important, but when it started ringing, he recognized it. Right before _Swan _woke him up, he had heard it ringing and her sighing. She had left her phone by accident. Or had she? Was it all intended to, so he could arrange something with her? No, that couldn't be. She had a boyfriend for heaven's sake, get it right Killian, you have no chance **whatsoever **with her. Who would want a jobless alcoholic after all?

But it made him drop the bottle and move over to the table. The phone, still ringing –with an awful ringtone- had a picture of some ladies as a background. It was taken at some kind of vacation, as all the ladies were dragging trollies. On the far left, he could see a sweet girl. Brown hair, a white blouse and her hair nicely done. Next to her there was a dark-skinned woman with pitch-black hair, whom seemed extremely enthusiast about their trip. She had thrown her arm around a ginger girl with rose lips, a beauty really. But Killian had more of an eye for the girl on the far right. This one was wearing a red leather jacked with some tight black jeans. Blonde hair and a smile that stunned him for a minute longer. _Emma Swan_. She was smiling widely to whoever was taking the picture. She had such a beautiful smile. Once the name 'David' had finally disappeared from the screen, Killian shoved it inside his pocket and looked around the room.

"Must've been one hell of a party…" He whispered to himself.

* * *

The park was beautiful in this time of the year. People just came out much more. They took their kids to the playground, or went picnicking in the fields. Some, including Killian, also saw it as an opportunity to take a long, nice run through the forest. But right now, he wasn't really feeling up to that, with his head still pounding. He enjoyed the people more though. They all seemed so happy, so careless. Killian wondered if he ever looked like that. Nana had found herself a friend to play with on the field. A Dalmatian with a bright red collar was chasing her happily through the grass. His owner stood right next to Killian, his eyes fixated on the running dogs. Right before he had taken Nana out, Killian had bought some cigarettes to cool himself down a bit, and right now he was already at his second smoke. But it didn't matter, at least he had a chance to enjoy his day a bit. Nana and the Dalmatian were pulling on a long stick, both on opposite ends, Nana rolled over to her back and stared upside down to the other dog. Killian heard the man next to him snicker.

"She's cute, your dog." He smiled. The man had small ginger curls and was wearing a long trench coat, but he seemed to have a strange kind of friendly sphere hanging around him.

"Aye, she is." Killian smiled back.

"Archie Hopper." The man took one of his hands out of his pockets and held it out to Killian. Killian's right hand handed his cigarette to the other and shook it fiercely.

"Killian Jones."

"You must be joking, I can't believe it. Well, we finally meet at last." The man's smile widened and he looked at Killian from head to toe, as if he was some kind of statue in a museum. But his eyes showed some kind of confusion, as if he had been expecting something or someone else.

"No point in asking where you know me from, as it always seems to have something to do with my brother?" Killian didn't really need an answer on that, as he practically whispered it. But the man just let out a relieved sigh and focused back on Nana, who was now getting completely covered with mud.

People were passing by him, laughing and chatting. A couple in the distance even seemed to share a cake together and staring romantically in each others eyes. Almost a little disgusting, and he was not saying that out of jealousy. Archie had called his dog and was now playing fetch with him, which reminded Killian he had to learn Nana that one day. The dog's name was Pongo, and Nana seemed quite fond of him. Killian was proud he took her on the long-promised trip to the park and Nana seemed to have no offence either.

The couple on the brick-road was now laughing about what appeared to be an extremely funny joke. The woman was wearing a black blouse where her blonde hair was flowing over. The hair was not as blonde as Emma's had been, Killian soon noticed. A brown-haired man with a rough beard held her close. He almost looked like... Like… _Oh for god's sake, are you serious? _As long as he didn't make eye-contact it would all be good. As long as nothing lured him towards Killian, he could just go home. Killian sucked the end of his cigarette hardly and closed his eyes in front of him, like a child would. Now just hope. The footsteps behind him almost passed when suddenly, they stopped. He heard them turn around and the man started talking.

"Doctor Hopper!" He heard him laugh. "Doctor Hopper, nice to see you!"

"As for you Liam! This must be Kathryn then."

"Indeed." Killian heard a woman's voice say.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm excellent, Archie. How about you?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I actually met him, you know. Where is he?" Killian could see the man turning around and smiling towards Killian as he held out an arm. "He came here with his dog too."

Killian gave up his attempts on ignoring Liam as much as he could and looked to his side. His hands dropped the cigarette and his foot made an end to its fire. Now there just was an awkward silence and a burning stare, which he could not put out with his foot. _Although he sometimes wanted to._

"Hello Liam, nice weather, ain't it?" It was meant more sarcastic than kind but he preferred this rather than an endless silence.

"Killian." Liam's eyes narrowed and, like Archie had done, he inspected Killian from his hair to the tip of his feet. "Could we talk somewhere.. More private?" Liam nodded to Archie and kissed the girl on the cheek, on which Killian cocked an eyebrow. Liam pulled his arm and took him behind a tree.

"What do you think you're doing, for fuck's sake?" Liam sputtered out once they had disappeared behind it.

"Walking Nana and talking to an odd man, what does it look like, mate?"

"You're not going out again, are you? Please tell me you're not, Killian."

"Wh- No, of course I'm not! Yesterday just happened, let's forget about it, okay?"

"No, no, no. You're facing this, right here, right now. You went too far again, and you know it."

"You're being dramatic, I didn't go '_too far_'." Killian lied.

"Oh no? Then tell me, brother of mine, what do you remember?"

"Well… err… I arrived, that's for sure. Touched nothing, sat around for a bit. Extremely boring, if I may say. Some lass came up to me … Er… Hit me? Aye, don't ask. Sat around a bit more and… Er…" Killian pressed his eyelids together, trying to squeeze something, **anything** out, but to no avail.

"And?"

"Woke up on the kitchen floor?" That answer even sounded worse when he said it out loud.

"This is really getting out of hand, Killian. Bloody hell. And please tell me you weren't accompanied by someone?" But he was far from ready to tell his brother he had slept with his best friend. So he lied.

"Aye, completely alone." Liam replied with a seep sigh, a little like the one he had given Killian when he woke up in the hospital. Miserable and hopeless.

"I'm sorry, I really am." Killian swallowed. "But I have some question's too. First of all, where do you know the man from?" Liam seemed to have gotten the hint and left the subject. He looked over to Archie, who was now talking to the woman.

"Don't you remember Doctor Hopper?"

"No, mate, apologize."

"My psychiatrist. Good man, he is."

"Oh… Right. You.. You're still seeing him?" Killian was a little afraid to ask, and he saw Liam was also a little shaky on the subject. They hadn't talked about that in years.

"Now and then, aye. When I feel like it, I suppose." But Killian thought this conversation was being far too quiet, so he quickly asked his next question.

"And who's the lass, hmm? Didn't know you had a lover."

"Her name's Kathryn. I met her just a week ago, she's really nice."

"She seems like it, mate. I'm glad for you." And this really wasn't a lie.

"Bloody hell, we have to catch the train…" Liam was looking at his phone and waved at Kathryn. She waved back and stuck her thumb up to Liam. "See you later, brother." Liam said and ran off. Kathryn waved at Killian, who awkwardly waved back and turned around. But Liam stepped back a few steps and looked at Killian. "And one more thing, lay down the cigarettes. They kill, y'know?" And Killian smiled back, as if he didn't know about what he had just told him. But he knew very well. It was even part of the reason he still did it.

Then, he felt something shake in his pocket. Emma's phone. He had completely forgotten about it and now it was displaying tons of different messages of the same contact. Ruby.

_Emma, I need you._

_Are you there yet? I'm coming but this traffic won't budge…_

_Why aren't you answering? _

_Are you mad at me or something?_

_Omg ems Whale just asked me out eeeeeeekkk_

_Wait is that even legal?_

_Emma?_

Yeah, he should probably get it back to its owner.

* * *

_Hellow readers :) If you've come this far, I'm sooooo grateful ! I've been getting a lot of marks on my English from you guys, and I really love you guys for doing that ^-^ Just remember, English isn't my first language and I still have a lot to learn. Review?_


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh but I really have to go now, Emma. I've still got something to pick up! See you around six?" Graham grabbed Emma's head and pulled it towards him. He kissed her just a bit too long so Ruby started sighing and then released Emma.

"I'll be there." Emma smiled. Graham turned his back to Emma and ran off, obviously hurrying for something. He ran out of the door and across the street, towards the campus.

Emma took her eyes off him and turned to Ruby, eyes still dreamy of their kiss. But Ruby was shaking her head and smiling.

"What?" Emma asked.

"I still can't believe it..." Ruby was still slightly smiling.

"Believe what?"

"That you hooked up with Killian, Emma!" She practically shouted that and now some confused eyes glanced a look at them.

"Could you shut up, please?" Emma looked around to confirm nobody knew what they were talking about."Look, I don't even remember what happened. He just said he **knew **that we...?" She rethought her answer. It really sounded ridiculous but actually, thinking that she wouldn't have slept with the good-looking drunk guy would be even more absurd.

"Hey, I'm not blaming you. Just watch out, okay?" Ruby sipped from her coffee and scrolled further down on her phone.

"Watch out for who?"

"For him, for his sake. He's a little.. unstable. He's still a great guy and all, just a little scarred from his past." Ruby said that like the had a million flashbacks at once, and they didn't sound like happy ones.

"And how do you know him that good? Haven't heard you talking about him before..."

"Let's just say I'm popular like that." Ruby winked and put her phone back in her pocket. She finished her cup of coffee and wiped her mouth clean."Have you told Graham?"

Emma fell silent. It had been three days since what happened and she hadn't slept. It wasn't that big of a deal for her, since she didn't remember half of it and had been completely wasted for the other half. But she didn't know how Graham would react. She had dated him for only a month or so and that was not long enough to know how he would react in these situations. It could go two ways really: he either understood and left it behind... or he would freak out and perhaps break up. _Oh, she was so not ready for this_. "Is it bad if I just.. I don't know.. Don't tell him?"

"EMMA!"

"Yeah okay.. Alright, I'll go explain it. It can't be that bad, right?" Ruby replied with a silent clap and smiled at Emma as she got up from the table. Emma took her jacket and her purse and left her friend. But Ruby held her by her arm.

"Hey, Ems, just one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"On Tink's **kitchen floor**? Really?" Ruby's eyes shone like actual rubies and she chuckled loudly.

"Oh shut your mouth." Emma sighed and rolled her eyes, exiting the bar. The weather was getting warmer and surprisingly nice. There weren't so many people around the campus, Emma thought most of them had probably already finished class or went to a restaurant to have lunch. She saw Tamara hurrying inside the building but didn't get enough time to wave at her, so she continued her walk. Graham was probably somewhere around the library, as he spend a lot of time there. Plus most of the other rooms were locked by now. She made a left between two buildings and followed the alley.

She could see a lot of unknown people here. Some people who were obviously dealing something and a couple with painted hair, spraying the building with art. Emma stood there for a minute, admiring the drawings they made. She had always admired street-art, as long as they weren't stupid tags or names. But if they were faces, landscapes or anything else someone put a meaning into, it lured her attention. The boy was a little more talented than the girl and he had just finished two figures. The girl drew guns, enormous pistols, in their hands, as if they were small children holding gigantic dangerous weapons. But as soon as one of them started to repeatingly look behind them, she left the pair. Emma was still walking alongside the painted wall as she saw some smoke coming from the alley ahead. "_Just some more smokers probably.."_ Emma thought.  
Emma past the alley, just to see the face she wouldn't dare to see again appear.

Killian.

He was leaning against the concrete wall with his eyes closed. His hands were holding a cigarette which he brought to his mouth now and then. His clothing was pretty black, Emma thought he just liked to wear the color, not really thinking it had a meaning. As soon as Emma approached, he opened one eye.

"Killian? What are you doing here?" Killian grinned.

"Swan." His hands lowered together with the cigarette and he got his back off the wall.

"**What **are you doing here?" She repeated.

"Now, don't get mad, love. How are you doing?" Emma stood there, staring at him, wondering why he was asking this pointless, unnecessary question.

"Look, Killian, about the other night. Nothing happened, alright?"

"Oh, and how are you so sure now, lass? Just answer the question, hm?" He took another puff and nodded at Emma.

"Er.. I'm fine, Killian."

"Glad to hear that. Didn't know you liked these alleys."

"Just taking a shortcut. Didn't know you smoked." She now leaned against the wall opposite of him, her arms crossed.

"Guess we still have a lot to learn from each other then, love?" But Emma was sick of waiting for the truth and playing his games.

"Why are you here, Killian?"

"You forgot your phone, though I'd return it." He searched in his pocket and held out Emma's phone, no scratches to be seen. She took the phone out of his hand and slipped it into her purse.

"How did you become a gentleman all of the sudden?"

"I've always been a gentleman, Swan." He winked and brought the cigarette to his mouth again. "Well, I delivered what I had to... I'll be going now, unless you..." He smirked a pervy smile and Emma rolled her eyes again.

"Goodbye Killian." She smiled and threw her purse back over her shoulder. She took out her found phone and searched through the contacts. She couldn't find his name at the letter K, so she kept searching. She didn't exactly know why, but she would be surprised if he hadn't put it in. She returned back to the top and stopped at the letter C. _Captain Killian. _Of course he had given himself a nickname, why wouldn't he? But she thought of the smile he had given her. So pervy but still... fake, broken. And somehow, like he had somehow meant his sexual comment. But of course he couldn't have. Or could he?

And before she knew it, she had walked to the other side of the campus, behind the fountain. She entered the library and looked at the counter. There was noone there, good, now she could at least yell.

"Graham?" No answer. "Graham!" Maybe he had already left? Or maybe he was at the internet-class just around the corner. Emma figured it would make sense and left the library. She walked around the corner, in yet another dark alley. She kept walking until she saw someone leaning against the wall. It was Graham.

But it wasn't just Graham though. His hands were pressed onto the wall behind him where the other someone was pressing him onto. It was a girl, a pretty girl with black hair. She was actually a pretty good friend of Emma's. Graham's lips and the girl's were tightly pressed against eachother and at the same time they were making loud kissing noises. Like she and Graham used to make. She felt her heart crumble, like a dried leaf. Tears pricked in her watery eyes and when she tried to speak she stuttered.

"G-Graham? Wh-" Her lips trembled. Graham pulled away from the girl at that, who was still sucking his neck. But when he spotted Emma he pushed the girl off him.

"Emma! What are you doing here?" He yelled.

"I-I just came to... To tell you that- At the party I- But you weren't at- at the library so I figured-." Emma had no clue why she was explaining herself to him while he was the one who should be. But it was either that or start screaming, which she really wanted to do. But then the girl looked inside Emma's eyes, and she remembered her name.

"Regina?" But Regina looked away from Emma and walked away. "Why, Graham?"

"I'm sorry, babe, I'm-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Emma screamed, her eyes still watering.

"I'll make it up to you, Emma. I promise."

"You shut up, you **asshole**! Don't make any more promises to me, I hate you!"

"Emma-" Graham sounded sorry, but Emma knew he wasn't.

"How long? How long have you been seeing her?"

"Please, don't make this any worse, -"

"How long, Graham? TELL ME!"**  
**

"Three weeks..." He admitted and he approached Emma. "But we can start over! I can leave her, Emma." But that wasn't what Emma wanted at all. Regina seemed to already love Graham, and if she said yes to his offer, two hearts would be broken by only one asshole. Oh no, this was not happening. Instead, she slapped his cheek, hard and furious. It was a little wet from wiping away her tears but it felt so damn good.

"Don't. Stay with her, you're single now. We're over, you can now screw as many girls as you can. Congratulations, asshole." Her heart was pounding fast as she turned her back to his burning cheek. She didn't mind the cheating that much, just the fact that she had to bust them on it to discover it. She was going to admit and apologize, while he just kept it going. And she had loved him with all her heart, and somehow she still did.

On her way home, all she did was cry. She drowned in her wet palms until she got to Ruby's and ringed the doorbell a thousand times. Ruby opened the door and Emma rushed to the couch, screaming inside a cushion. "It's- He- With Regina! He just-" The rest was hidden behind Emma's sobs. And Ruby, a good friend as she was, immediately put on 'Grease' and took out two bottles of wine and some chocolate ice-cream. All she wanted now was to forget.

* * *

_Review, love?_


	11. Chapter 11

It hadn't been going well for Killian. It seemed like he had run out of his bottle of luck that he suddenly seemed to have had a month ago. He hadn't given up, at least not in the beginning. It started off pretty dark, when he came home hung-over and jobless. But one way or another, he had this kind of light in the darkness; some sort of hope. And he took it with both hands. Without any result. He learned, out of experience, that having a job helped. It kept him busy, working. Even if it was an awful one. But times were hard, and pretty evil. People could somehow see how Killian wasn't in a great condition, and who in hell would choose him above a perfectly proper employee? But don't get me wrong here, he tried. Oh Killian tried as hard as he possibly could. He tried a cashier, an illustrator, a dentist assistant and even a janitor but there were either no places left, or Killian just wasn't good enough. And that didn't really make him feel stronger, the opposite really. So his heart hung onto the only thing he could rely on. And his brain just longed for a break from reality, which was now one black hole in the ground, sucking Killian in deeper. But now, after 4 weeks of trying and believing, he just kind of gave up. He let it all slip through his fingers as if hope was made of water. And he didn't care how drunk he had been the night before, or that he didn't close an eye at night. He made sure no one could notice though; he now went to the bar when Ruby wasn't taking the night shift or he just bought some and drank it home. Killian realized it was a problem, of course, but right now it was just one of many. He had nearly enough to pay the rent for his apartment but didn't dare ask Ruby to lend some. Because she would start asking questions. Why he had waited so long. On what he'd spend his money.

Killian was changing channels quicker than his shadow, without even noticing any of the fine programs he skipped. His attention was focused on the liquor cabinet that he had filled up again this week. The aspirins just didn't conquer the pain in his head. It had been pounding from the moment he woke up and it hurt like hell. It wasn't just the pain that hurt him, but also the fact that he wasn't supposed to have it. He didn't have it under control anymore. And as much as he 'didn't care' , he didn't **want **this. It was a sign of weakness. And weakness was the origin of his problem, in fact. After Milah died he just… lost it. And his father hadn't been there, of course. Liam couldn't be there, since he had been in therapy and Ruby just wouldn't understand. And in times like this, far darker thoughts reached his skull. And they were screaming.

_It would've been far easier if you'd killed yourself that night. Why didn't you just end it in the car crash with Smee? You know, people drink themselves to death too._

But Killian wasn't deep enough just yet to do what his thoughts told him to. He clenched his fists around the glass with an effervescent aspirin in it. His head was filled with dark voices, throwing more darkness at him. His fist clenched tighter. He wanted to scream them out of his head. The voices were so angry that he pressed his eyelids together, and saw his past. But only the dark parts. It all started with high-school when his mother wasn't doing well. And dad didn't took it all that well. But when his memory skipped over to Milah's parting, it became too much. His fists clenched too hard and the glass broke into his angry fist, now bleeding all over his bed-sheets.

"Bloody hell…" he whispered to himself. He did that more often now. Either that or to Nana, which was practically the same. It just gets lonely, seeing no one for a whole month. It would almost drive a man insane.

Killian climbed out of bed and passed Nana, who cried quietly at the sight of his bleeding palm.

"It's just a scratch, lass. Don't worry." Killian smiled. But it wasn't his hand that was hurting the most.

He washed all of the glass out of his skin and cleaned up all the blood and water spilled on the bed. But his hands stopped as soon as he heard a familiar sound from behind him. He installed it so that whenever that happened, he'd immediately know what it was. But it couldn't be. Not after one whole month. Who did that? Wait a whole month? Maybe it had been a mistake, or worse, a complain. Had he met her in the bar when he had been drunk and harassed her? No, he would've remembered for sure. He dropped the cloth he had been cleaning up with and stepped towards the counter. The light of his phone was still lit up and his headache sunk to the back of his head. Could it be?

* * *

Emma was sitting in the corner of the bus, listening to her Ipod. Alone. Again. It needed some getting-used-to, not wanting to meet anyone. Emma skipped all of the love songs, knowing she would have to skip a long time before she found something that wasn't about love. Why did people only write about love? There are so many words to be spoken and the only ones they come up with are 'I love you' or 'Stay with me'? Pathetic. She had loved them a month ago, though. Because then they didn't make her cry. Now they just transfigured into a waterfall of tears. She looked outside the window. The sun was high up in the sky and happy people were gladly walking under her. She felt bad, wanting it to rain. It's a weird feeling when you just don't want other people to feel happy. She rather didn't see it and lock herself up in her room. Which was exactly what she was going to do the minute she got home. She pressed the button and made the bus stop. She got out and walked home. Graham and Regina were now going out. She hadn't talked to both of them since what happened. And she wasn't planning to either. She hated that he cheated on her. But what she hated the most, is that he actually seemed happy and in love with Regina. They did everything together and every human being could clearly see they were made for eachother. Emma thought back to the first time she had felt that way. It was back in high school. With a boy from a totally different neighborhood. But he was so dangerous and inconsequential. Every girl dreamed of him, but they were also terrified beyond belief. And when he asked Emma out, she had to take the chance. Mary-Margaret and David knew she had a boyfriend, but luckily they didn't know it was **the **Neall Cassidy. When Emma said she'd spend the weekend at Ruby's or Belle's, it had been all a lie of course. Neall taught Emma how to rob, steal, betray, lie and all the things that were strictly forbidden inside the Nolan house. And she felt so free, so independent. A little too independent. When Neall heard what had happened, he just took a run for it. He just hadn't loved her just enough to stay.

Emma got home, dropped her bag on the bed and went downstairs again.

"Hey Emma, how was today?" David asked between his coffee.

"Alright. What's for dinner?" Emma took a cookie out of a jar and walked towards the kitchen, where her cousin was preparing something that smelled delicious.

"Spaghetti Bolognaise!" Mary-Margaret yelled in her most Italian accent. She threw some pepper and salt into a pot and stirred.

"Mmm, looking forward to that. I'll be down in twenty minutes!" She yelled when she ran back upstairs. Luckily they didn't notice something had been wrong with Emma. Explaining she had had a boyfriend but he cheated on her and now she got drunk at Ruby's place wasn't exactly easy.

Emma closed her curtains and turned the lights on. She grabbed one of her learning-books and opened it on her lap. It was Mathematics, her least favorite subject. But it needed some studying, the most out of all. While she was reading the first lines, she turned on her cellphone. And the moment the screen lit up, her phone made a thousand of beeps at the same time. It almost seemed like it was going to explode. But Emma got used to it. It was Ruby every time. Spamming her questions if she was okay or if she wanted to come over. She would call her in the evening. She put her headphones back on and now listened to her phone, which hopefully contained less cheesy love-songs. The first couple of songs kept her eyes on the paper. But after the forth song ended and continued to the fifth she lifted her phone. It was form Arctic Monkeys, one of her favorite bands. But she didn't remember putting 'A Certain Romance' on it. And she knew what songs she put on her phone and what songs she didn't. Although she knew the title of the song, it wasn't named like it. Someone had changed it.

_Swan_

And there was only one man that had called her that. A weird nickname of course. Emma **had **thought about him in the past month. And now she didn't really find a proper excuse for not texting nor calling him. She had been so lonely and longing for some attention while someone who she actually liked had offered that. While she listened to the only love song she could stand, she closed her eyes.

"_Why not? Emma, get over yourself. And an extra: he has a good taste in music…" _ Her brain whispered.

And then Emma just hit free-fall. She clicked on Killian's name and wrote a text.

_Sunday, pick me up at 8 and we'll go to Narta. Are you in? _

And to her surprise, she didn't hover above the send button for some minutes. She just hid send and threw her Mathematics off her lap. Her phone now clenched in both hands, she was looking at the tiny screen.

_"What if he forgot about me? Or he already has someone else? Maybe he just doesn't even like me." _ Oh god, she felt like she was 10 again, waiting for a boy's text. It was better then learning Math though. But after five minutes Mary-Margaret yelled from downstairs that dinner was ready. The descended and enjoyed the meal with the company of her cousin and David. Killian wasn't going to reply. It had been a dumb idea in the first place.

The spaghetti had been delicious. She had asked 3 times for a re-fill and when she was finished, she felt the need to call Ruby. To tell her about everything. Just like she had done every evening. But when she grabbed her phone from the bed, she realized she had to have more hope. The screen was filled up by just one sentence.

_That's a date._

* * *

_Sorry for the delay, some... things got in the way. Thanks for leaving a review, makes me happy :)_


	12. Chapter 12

His heart was racing. His mind was a total mess. His hands were trembling. But in a good way. In a way it hadn't been in ages. Not because of the alcohol, or his past, but because of a girl. No, a woman.

When he got the message two days ago, his world turned upside down. He couldn't even remember being asked out on a date, although he knew it had happened. It was just so long ago. He had been more stable. He had been another Killian back then. And knowing that even now, when he was in the darkest of times, a woman showed interest in him felt like a spark lighting up in the middle of a dark cave. He hadn't slept though. He was constantly stressing about what he'd say to her. Or thinking of answers he could answer her when she asked her questions. What if she asked what his job was? But the hardest thing would be: he had to seem completely stable, sane and relaxed. This was going to be a hard one.  
It still felt weird when he thought about it. He only knew her name. Emma Swan. A pretty name, yes, but isn't that a little too less? Maybe it's just enough. Maybe that's just the point: knowing almost nothing so you can get to know each other. But then there's the risk she expected a total different person than you actually are. What if she hates dogs? Or what if she thinks I'm as smart and intellectual as Liam? What if my drinking problem becomes too much for her?

But on the other side, a friend would be an improvement. Someone whom he could start from the beginning with. Someone who he hadn't disappoint yet. A person that hadn't seen him screw everything up yet. Emma Swan, the girl with the fresh start. It felt like a hand reaching down to him, pulling him up aboard. This could be his first and last chance to fix this all. Please don't screw this up.

Although shopping wasn't completely Killian's thing, it had happened this week. He had opened his closet and stared at his only 3 shirts he owned, and Emma had already seen him in one of them. He used to have four, but forgot where he had put the fourth. So he went to a second-hand shop, and bought a grey t-shirt. Killian had never before stared so long in a mirror before going out. He practiced some greetings and made sure Emma couldn't notice the enormous rings under his eyes which identified he still hadn't slept in days. And with an enormous lack of confidence, he left the house.

You know when something important or stressful is about to happen, you start imagining how it's going to go? Well, Killian did the same but to prevent him from expecting too much, he always pictured the worst things that could happen. It was something he did from his childhood. Just, now, he hoped it wouldn't actually happen like it had always done. She could throw champagne in his face. She could exit the restaurant because he bored her. Or, of course, Killian could get his hands on a bottle of whatever, ruining everything.

Here he was. In the middle of a retro restaurant, half an hour too early, waiting for his date. He yearned for a smoke. But he couldn't now. Maybe after Emma had left.  
20 minutes later. Emma still hadn't shown up. Killian had ordered a glass of soda water but hadn't even sipped it yet. Somehow it remembered him too much of drinking other things. So he just twisted his fingers around each other. The restaurant, being almost a café, was splendid. He had hoped and prayed to God that she wouldn't take him to some fancy place. Have you ever tried being relaxed and cool in a place where everything is perfect and chique? Don't.

5 minutes after 8. Although Killian had insisted on picking her up, Emma had told him to cancel that. Something about her not wanting her parents to know. Were it her parents? Now he secretly hoped he had picked her up either way, so he didn't have to sit here, looking like a fool.

But suddenly Killian saw a figure appearing in the doorway. A petite girl, gold hair and a cute white dress. She took off her coat and handed it to the man in the doorway. Then she proceeded. She neared Killian. Look cool, look cool. Killian smiled the stress away and waved at the beauty. Emma looked beautiful. He almost regretted meeting her in the way they had. She deserved more than that. Much more.

"Hi…" Emma smiled and kissed Killian on the cheek.

"Hello, Swan. You look gorgeous, sit down." Killian made a hand-gesture to the chair in front of him and Emma sat down.

"Quite the place you've chosen, lass." Killian remarked.

"Yeah, I used to come here a lot with my friends."

"Used to?"

"We now go somewhere else, a restaurant that had recently opened. Didn't want to take you there though, because I took… Whatever, forget it." Damnit Killian, you insulted her. Change. The. Subject.

"Ah yes… Uh…" Killian raised an eyebrow. All the conversations that he had saved inside his brain had deleted themselves all at once. His brain blocked and some tumbleweeds were rolling around inside them.

"We should probably choose our meal." Emma saved the conversation.

"Aye." Killian opened the menu. He couldn't choose anything too expensive, because he simply didn't have the money. He also couldn't choose anything too delicious; he didn't want to appear to her as a lion attacking his pray, because he was hungry as hell. So he chose the steak. Not too expensive and totally not his favorite meal.

"I'm taking the steak, Swan. You?"

"The salmon, I think."

"Perfect." And out of nowhere a waitress showed up next to their table and wrote down whatever Emma was telling her. Killian got lost between her words for a second. She almost sung them. Or her voice was just so harmonic.

"- and we'll take the cava too." She winked at Killian and the waitress left. Oh no.

"W- What?" Killian swallowed.

"Hm?" Emma closed her menu and shoved it to the side. "What's wrong?"

"Uh… Nothing, love, I'll be right back." Killian got from his chair and entered the men's room. He needed that smoke now, or he would freak out. Luckily there was a backdoor in the restroom where he could escape. He lighted his cigarette outside and blew some clouds of relaxation into the sky. This was it; he had to tell her now. He couldn't just drink it, that's for sure. Killian massaged his forehead and inhaled an extra-large portion of smoke and threw his cigarette to the ground.

"Everything alright?" Emma looked at Killian, slightly tilting her head. She looked worried. She shouldn't, he should.

"Aye, it's just… How do I put this…" Killian scratched behind his ears. "I can't drink the… I shouldn't, well, because I have… Um.. Not that I don't fancy it, it's just… I wouldn't want you to…"

But Emma already seemed to know what he meant.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You should've told me! I'll cancel it."

"No, Swan, you can go ahead. As long as I don't-"

"Shut your mouth, I'm cancelling it." She smiled and swiped with her finger over her neck to the waitress and she replied with a friendly nod. After two minutes of silence the waitress arrived with a bottle of water and poured that into their glasses.

"So…" Emma sighed.

"So…" Killian tilted his head backwards. He had totally ruined everything. He had just been on this date for ten minutes and there was already a dead silence. Marvelous.

"You're… an alcoholic?" But Killian knew he didn't have to answer that. He grabbed his glass of water and threw it down his throat all at once. Bloody hell. "So when we met, you-"

"Aye…"

"That's alright." Wait, what?

"It is?"

"That doesn't say anything about you, you know? Some people just fall in a bigger hole than others. That doesn't make you a bad person. Now, where's that food?" Emma smiled.

The rest of the evening went smooth. Very smooth. They had so much in common and Emma's stupid jokes cracked Killian up every time. She told him how she had met Ruby and he told her how he had known her for his entire life. Although Killian had barely finished high school, he told her all the rebellious things he had done. And to his surprise, she had done some too. She also told him about her trip to London with all her friends. Including Ruby. And he told her about his family that lived in Ireland. Now only his aunt was left there. That he had tried to forget Ireland because it reminded him too much of his past, he didn't tell her. He used to visit Drogheda a lot, every vacation he had the chance. Now he hadn't been there in ten years.

And before Killian could tell her how beautiful she really looked, the evening ended. They were walking down the street, under thousands of sparkling stars. A full moon lit up the streets with a white light. In front of Killian's apartment, they stopped.

"I had a fun time, Killian."

"Aye, we should repeat that, Swan."

"We should."

Silence. A warming silence. A moment to appreciate her appearance a little more. Killian approached Emma, eyes still locked on hers. He pressed his lips, moist and warm, against her cheek and held them there for a second. He wanted to kiss the hell out of her, make out in the middle of the street. But he didn't do that. Just to make sure there was going to be a 'repeat'. When he took his lips off her cheek, Emma fell completely silent. She wasn't even breathing. She was just clenching her fist. Killian turned around, facing the door of his apartment. His hand reached the doorknob but something else reached his other hand. Emma hadn't left, she still stood there, staring at him. Not breathing. And Killian let it all slide, turned around quick and pressed his lips against hers. His hands raced through her hair and Emma threw hers around his back. It felt as if it was their first kiss. And Killian loved to believe it was. It felt more real. Killian bit Emma's lip and slowly pulled away from their kiss. He let his forehead rest on hers. She went with her lips to his forehead and kissed it slowly.

"Goodnight." She whispered and walked away.

* * *

_Hello! I really love the fact that you guys like the story ^-^ Sorry, school's getting in the way and I hate it _ But.. Ouat started again, YAY (cheer with me). So, review? Pls?_


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